These Words shared by My Dad Which Rescued Us when I became a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the actual experience quickly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple statement "You're not in a healthy space. You must get assistance. How can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties dads face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a larger inability to open up amongst men, who often hold onto damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing every time."

"It isn't a sign of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to request a break - taking a few days away, outside of the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He came to see he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the expression of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have consistent male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "bad decisions" when he was younger to alter how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling swamped, speak to a friend, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like you before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the body - nutritious food, getting some exercise and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - sharing their journeys, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the safety and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their struggles, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my purpose is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."